Thursday, May 31, 2007
The Likeability Factor & Seeing Clearly
There's actually a book called The Likeability Factor, which makes the case that the more likeable we are, the greater our chances are of having happy and fulfilling lives.
And, likeability is related to four key practices:
Regardless, being likeable is part of good leadership. I've worked with plenty of leaders who feel others "don't get" them or "don't appreciate" their good intentions. Alas, the delta between good intentions and effects on others is sometimes large.
My teacher, Daniel Silberberg, is constantly asking us to study ourselves, to see ourselves as others see us --to see ourselves as if we're in a film and we can see every detail of how we're behaving versus trusting our theories of how we are.
Others see us this clearly. We see others this clearly. The trick is in seeing ourselves so clearly.
Daniel cautions us over and over to study ourselves before assuming we "care for others" or "listen well" or are even "likeable." Too often, we fool ourselves into believing our intentions match our behaviors.
Leaders can't afford to create unintended effects. Remember, others see us more clearly than we see ourselves (or than they see themselves, but that's another story!).
When we catch on to ourselves -- really catch on-- we actually become more likeable.
As Daniel likes to say, "No one wakes up and decides to be angry, impatient or hurtful." It happens because we fall asleep in our own lives and can't see ourselves in action.
It's a useful practice to take a week to study everything you say and do and how it affects others. Notice yourself as if you're in a movie.
Tone. Pace. Stance. Language. Body language. Connecting. Disconnecting.
What do you see and hear? How is it different from what you intend and believe about yourself? How does what you notice affect you?
And, likeability is related to four key practices:
- Being friendly - expressing a generally positive and welcoming attitude
- Being relevant - connecting our interests with theirs in meaningful ways
- Displaying empathy - accurately perceiving and understanding another person's internal frame of reference
- Being genuine - being transparent and sharing what is real for you and others
Regardless, being likeable is part of good leadership. I've worked with plenty of leaders who feel others "don't get" them or "don't appreciate" their good intentions. Alas, the delta between good intentions and effects on others is sometimes large.
My teacher, Daniel Silberberg, is constantly asking us to study ourselves, to see ourselves as others see us --to see ourselves as if we're in a film and we can see every detail of how we're behaving versus trusting our theories of how we are.
Others see us this clearly. We see others this clearly. The trick is in seeing ourselves so clearly.
Daniel cautions us over and over to study ourselves before assuming we "care for others" or "listen well" or are even "likeable." Too often, we fool ourselves into believing our intentions match our behaviors.
Leaders can't afford to create unintended effects. Remember, others see us more clearly than we see ourselves (or than they see themselves, but that's another story!).
When we catch on to ourselves -- really catch on-- we actually become more likeable.
As Daniel likes to say, "No one wakes up and decides to be angry, impatient or hurtful." It happens because we fall asleep in our own lives and can't see ourselves in action.
It's a useful practice to take a week to study everything you say and do and how it affects others. Notice yourself as if you're in a movie.
Tone. Pace. Stance. Language. Body language. Connecting. Disconnecting.
What do you see and hear? How is it different from what you intend and believe about yourself? How does what you notice affect you?
# posted by Cindy Marteney @ 12:43 PM 
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
