Thursday, November 1, 2007
On Internal Considering
I've been struck by feelings of joy as I've reconnected with people I care about but don't see that often, especially on two recent trips to San Francisco.
It was fun to see my friend, and the person who brought coaching to my world, James Flaherty, a couple of weeks ago. I was his student at his integral coaching school, New Ventures West, in 2001-2002.
James buzzed me in to his blue Victorian on Duboce in the Castro district of San Francisco. We sat on a big sectional couch in his living room and chatted -- about a kooky book of drawings he has by an ex-advertising guy, about my latest scheme to rent a room in the Bay Area so I can hang out and work in the city for a few days every couple of weeks, and the questions I've been in of late, especially since my dad died in July.
I wondered aloud about being in midlife crisis. Drawing a quick picture, James likened midlife to a rocket engine that is burning up the last of its fuel -- for the spacecraft to continue its journey, it requires a next-stage engine and propellant. I always enjoy the metaphors James uses.
We listened to music, including Herbie Hancock's River: The Joni Letters with Norah Jones singing an amazing version of "Court and Spark." James recently started appreciating Eric Clapton's music and gave me the history behind Eric Clapton's love song, Layla.
I told some irreverent stories -- about life in one of the reddest states of the union, about a West Virginia congregation that consistently spaces out whenever the minister talks, about my dad's crazy affairs, etc.
I actually made James laugh. I always recall it going the other way, with him making me and everyone else laugh. James said something like, "You have a lot going on, but you seem feistier than ever."
What was different was a greater sense of ease. I had never been fully at ease around James because he had been in a position to evaluate me, first as a student and then as a faculty member in training. I blurted out and not in jest, "It's the first time I haven't been scared of you!" James made one of those slightly perplexed faces of his and we both laughed again.
It's funny to remember how anxious I could be around people I admired and respected like James. So much energy wasted on being afraid-- of what someone else will think, how they will respond, whether we are getting it right, etc.
In the 4th Way, we study a concept called "internal considering," which describes a highly-subjective, quite mechanical, and entirely inner focus on self and how we believe we are being perceived.
The goal in 4th Way work is to always be moving toward more objectivity and responsiveness in life. To do this, we have to practice what the 4th Way calls "self-remembering," what we as integral coaches point to when we give our clients self observations and journaling assignments in our coaching programs.
I started on my path of deeper self awareness just after 9/11, as America was redefining its sense of self in much more contracted ways. In dramatic contrast, New Venture West's integral coaching method cultivates a less rigid sense of self, a greater capacity to observe ourselves and make new and more fulfilling choices in life.
It takes time to catch on to internal considering, to notice our internal considering of how we'll look, to notice our propensity to focus on what others will think of us.
Far better to be focused on the results we want to achieve, the qualities we long for, the futures we find inspiring and worthy of creating.
If you would like to catch on to yourself a bit more, then consider studying your own internal considering: When are you taking actions (or not) based on how others will perceive you?
Let me know how you make out!
It was fun to see my friend, and the person who brought coaching to my world, James Flaherty, a couple of weeks ago. I was his student at his integral coaching school, New Ventures West, in 2001-2002.
James buzzed me in to his blue Victorian on Duboce in the Castro district of San Francisco. We sat on a big sectional couch in his living room and chatted -- about a kooky book of drawings he has by an ex-advertising guy, about my latest scheme to rent a room in the Bay Area so I can hang out and work in the city for a few days every couple of weeks, and the questions I've been in of late, especially since my dad died in July.
I wondered aloud about being in midlife crisis. Drawing a quick picture, James likened midlife to a rocket engine that is burning up the last of its fuel -- for the spacecraft to continue its journey, it requires a next-stage engine and propellant. I always enjoy the metaphors James uses.
We listened to music, including Herbie Hancock's River: The Joni Letters with Norah Jones singing an amazing version of "Court and Spark." James recently started appreciating Eric Clapton's music and gave me the history behind Eric Clapton's love song, Layla.
I told some irreverent stories -- about life in one of the reddest states of the union, about a West Virginia congregation that consistently spaces out whenever the minister talks, about my dad's crazy affairs, etc.
I actually made James laugh. I always recall it going the other way, with him making me and everyone else laugh. James said something like, "You have a lot going on, but you seem feistier than ever."
What was different was a greater sense of ease. I had never been fully at ease around James because he had been in a position to evaluate me, first as a student and then as a faculty member in training. I blurted out and not in jest, "It's the first time I haven't been scared of you!" James made one of those slightly perplexed faces of his and we both laughed again.
It's funny to remember how anxious I could be around people I admired and respected like James. So much energy wasted on being afraid-- of what someone else will think, how they will respond, whether we are getting it right, etc.
In the 4th Way, we study a concept called "internal considering," which describes a highly-subjective, quite mechanical, and entirely inner focus on self and how we believe we are being perceived.
The goal in 4th Way work is to always be moving toward more objectivity and responsiveness in life. To do this, we have to practice what the 4th Way calls "self-remembering," what we as integral coaches point to when we give our clients self observations and journaling assignments in our coaching programs.
I started on my path of deeper self awareness just after 9/11, as America was redefining its sense of self in much more contracted ways. In dramatic contrast, New Venture West's integral coaching method cultivates a less rigid sense of self, a greater capacity to observe ourselves and make new and more fulfilling choices in life.
It takes time to catch on to internal considering, to notice our internal considering of how we'll look, to notice our propensity to focus on what others will think of us.
Far better to be focused on the results we want to achieve, the qualities we long for, the futures we find inspiring and worthy of creating.
If you would like to catch on to yourself a bit more, then consider studying your own internal considering: When are you taking actions (or not) based on how others will perceive you?
Let me know how you make out!
Labels: internal considering, self-remembering
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